Monday, 16 February 2009

The Golfing Nun


A nun walked into Mother Superior's office and plonked herself down in a chair. She let out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'I did' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior said. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'
'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'
'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and that hole is a monster, Mother - a 540 yard Par 5 with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green... I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. It was the sweetest swing I ever made. It flew straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hit a bird in mid-flight!'

'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'
'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, a squirrel ran out of the woods, grabbed my ball and ran off with it'

'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.
'But I didn't, Mother' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, a hawk swooped out of the sky and grabbed the squirrel and flew off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.
'No, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

'You missed the f***ing putt, didn't you?'

13 comments:

Scrobs said...

Tea >>>>>>> keyboard....!!!

Marvellous Iders!

Tuscan Tony said...

Very good!

apricotfox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rvi said...

There was a similar tale which involved the local vicar - an ardent, but not very good golfer. After similar flights of fancy the ball ended up in the hole. The rev's comment on looking upward to the skies was "Oh! Now you are really taking the p***"

Trubes said...

Ha That was hilarious Idle....It's the way you tell'em!
DT, being a golfer, had a good chuckle too!

Mother and baby are doing really well, thanks.x

apricotfox said...

There is a v rude golf joke..man in Japan, visits whore before golf match with CEO Jap co. Girl squeals 'Nang po! Nang po!' in , he assumes, transports of delight...
On golf course, inscrutable Jap CEO plays a great shot, straight in. Brit decides to show off and compliment Jap at same time.
'Nang Po!' he exclaims, patting him on the back.
'What do you mean, 'wrong hole'? Jap retorts.
Obviously, I do not get this joke as it is FAR too rude for a vicar's daughter.

idle said...

Disgraceful, Foxy, but I'll certainly use it on the links. Half way through reading the joke I imagined it was going to end with that inane cry that you hear from American golf fans just after Tiger Woods or whoever has hit his shot: "Get in the hole!"

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Golf is an illness.
I say no more.

Bill Quango MP said...

Took a wild slice and the ball hit Mrs Quango.Between 1st and second hole. That's some accuracy.

Plato said...

Wonderful!

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