Monday, 23 February 2009

The Binman Cometh

Al Beeb, our national broadcaster, is labouring under the misapprehension that very many Britons give a twopenny toss about Binman Mohammed, the Ethiopian tourist who thought Afghanistan was a clever destination in 2001. Discovering that the Kandahar Holiday Inn had been reduced to rubble, the golf course turned into a field hospital, and that Hertz had run out of Vauxhall Astras, he high-tailed it to Karachi, where he seems to have got his passport mixed up with a mate (perfectly innocently), and tried to leave the country with the wrong (horror!) passport. Coulda happened to any of us!

Binman, of course, has a residency permit for Britain, a country he likes very much, except for its government, its customs, and its people (apart from the many thousands of his fellow asylum seekers who also like Britain very much, except for its government etc etc).

Al Beeb, therefore, has decided to treat the wretched confused tourist as a British National - not, I think, because of any feeling that this country sees him as One of Our Own, but because he racked up a good few airmiles between Pakistan, Morocco, Afghanistan and Cuba, where he did orange jumpsuit porridge for a few years. During this time, he was asked some searching questions about his holiday schedule of 2001, and the techniques used might have made his eyes water.

He was accompanied at his news conference this afternoon, having arrived at Northholt (by private jet, natch), by a lawyer who couldn't have looked more of a lefty if he had dressed like Rik Mayall in the Young Ones. Clive Stafford-Smith (no amount of Staffords can disguise the fact that you are a Smith, Clive) is a professional Yewman Rights burka-follower, and - I submit, Your Honour - a man quite taken with the prospect of embarrassing his country whilst pushing the Legal Aid £50 notes into his trouser pockets.

Perhaps I am wrong and you all do care, deeply, about poor Binman and agree that Al Beeb should be treating him just as it would treat Ron from Runcorn or Wayne from Wincanton.

Well, do you?


electro-kevin said...

Al Qaeda's version of Guan' includes residents getting their heads sawn off and posted on the net.

I think families should activate their lawyers over such treatment.

However, I do give a shit, Idle. What is this scum doing in our country ?

Alceste said...

I agree with nearly everything you say, Idle. However (and this may surprise you) I've seen and heard quite a bit about Clive Stafford-Smith and I've formed the view that he is actually a thoroughly impressive and decent fellow. Most of his work is (or was) pro bono stuff trying to help people on death row.

idle said...

I'll settle for 'nearly', alceste. S-Smith's wiki entry leaves me ambivalent - he's got, or had, 128 of the Gitmo inmates on his books, which seems to be indiscriminate. Perhaps they are all innocent, but I'll bet not all.

Someone has to represent them, I suppose, and it might as well be a Radleian. He may, for all I know, be sound on blood sports and understand the intracacies of leg spin.

rvi said...

Can't trust these private jet pilots these days. Perhaps he got mixed with between Northolt and Addis - it's an easy mistake to make after 11 years of nulab spelin and stuf.

Scrobs said...

This story will run and run Iders.

The compensation revelations will have to be swift though, well in time before the next election of course!

idle said...

That highly paid fellow at the Mail, Richard Littlejohn, appears to have read my humble post before writing his own for this morning's paper.

Philipa said...

I'm afraid you made me laugh out loud throughout most of that post, Idle.

No I can't say I do give a stuff really but I am against the Americans torturing people - they can't possibly hold the moral high ground and chide other peoples when they do the same.

And whilst I'd like to make a lame joke about Bono sticking his nose into every photo-op the truth is that I don't believe any lawyer does anything for nothing. I won't give you my opinion of junior barristers as you'll probably tell me that Blue is a lawyer and Idle is a banker, Scrobs is a circuit judge and Alceste is a junior barrister.

Philipa said...

PS: didn't Thermo-man live in Northolt?

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Private jet to Northholt?
Surely a Hercules with an open rear door somewhere over the atlantic would have been a far more suitable means of repatriating this Hoon.

idle said...

I won't tell you what alceste is, pip, but he's no junior.

Bill Quango MP said...

All I can say is...
Its going to be a close election, so every vote counts.
Expect to see Prime Minister Brown, with his strange fish bone stuck in the molars grin, welcoming a whole slew of asylum seekers at airports.
Happily handing out benefits packs, ID card registration forms and pre completed voting slips.
"Just sign here..aye good, an here, aye, welcome to Britain."

Anonymous said...

This country must be the easiest one on earth to get into and remain. If only it were as easy for those of us who might wish to leave and go somewhere else: preferably the US, or Australia. Perhaps I could claim asylum from New Labour?

Alceste said...


Idle is right, I'm no barrister. But I'll probably soon be working in Starbucks, which will at least make me a barista.

Philipa said...

Well I'm glad you're not a barrister, Alceste, as I have a sour memory of the one that screwed me blind. And she was supposed to be working on my behalf! May you always have cream in your coffee.

(and I was right about the others? Crikey! Actually I think Scrobs would be a rather good magistrate if not a circuit judge)

Call me Infidel said...

I'm with the Beast in this one. A mid Atlantic drop would have suited me just fine. Oh and a couple of points of clarification. Binman's British residence would have expired after two years so Nu Liebour have bent the immigration rules to allow this putz into our country. Secondly Stafford Smith is a turd of the first water. The main is a traitor in my book who defends terrorists. He should be flogged naked through the streets.

Tuscan Tony said...

It would seem that politicians believe that to be a liberal democracy means putting principles in the bottom drawer when dealing with fellows like this one. It reminds me of the airtime given to an Imam a few years ago by the Beeb, where he attempted to justify the appearance of a number of his parishioners (or whatever) on the front line in Afghanistan. "Well, its like this you see - young British men in my neighbourhood often decide to go on holiday to exotic places and of course its very pretty there along the Durand Line, anyway these young men go there and naturally they see AK47s lying around on the ground, and its only curiosity on their part that causes them to pick them up and fire the things at moving targets like Snatch Land Rovers, as all boys like to do you understand, so that's how these foolish misunderstandings happen."

The Beeboid interviewer soaked all this up without a blink, I kid you not. What hope is there for the application of common sense when the de facto guardians of a country's character appear so supine?

Plato said...

Perhaps he can go live with all those Afgang hi-jackers?

I despair but I don't really care as it's just yet another example of our bonkers entry policy.

Logic fails when I read that - he's Ethiopian
came here when he was 15
but has no other relatives here

because they all moved to the USA ages ago
and somehow Engerland(who 'colluded' to keep him in Gitmo)is 'home'.

apricotfox said...

The whole thing beggars belief and is profoundly depressing. Meanwhile, an Exeter woman who thwacked a yoof kicking a ball against the church notice board gets a criminal record.The yoof got aggresssive when she asked him to stop and she wacked him on the face with the parish newsletter....(clearly the PN is a powerful journal in that neck of the woods).
In summmary: White, educated Christians to the bottom of the heap..and, worse, with 'Scheduled for eradication' labels round their necks.The new rulers of the universe are terrorists, yobbish yoofs and reality show celebs.

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