Friday, 5 June 2009

Deceased Canard

Jeeesus. A chap goes out for a quiet bottle or three of Tuscan infuriator with his mates around the corner, and comes home to find a cloud of bluebottles over the twitching corpse of the Prime Mentalist, like an african cow that didn't make it through the drought.
Whooda thort it would be Purnell? Does he have a pact with Postman Pat? One searches the blogosphere for info, and there is precious little.
Someone - was it Dizzy? reckons that Burnham, he of the eyeliner and mascara, will break ranks tomorrow. (David) Miliband, a cowardly Fotherington-Thomas if ever there was one, doesn't know whether to twist or stick and sees his chances of glory disappearing faster than an Italian infantryman.
Guido is AWOL, drunk and hapless, reduced to no more than a headline post (and 500+ comments, natch). Dale is, of course, tarting himself on Radio Barnstaple or somesuch meeja Z List opportunity.
The field is left to idle, so I'll hazard a guess: McBust will make the mistake, as ever, of failing to recognise the situation until the shit reaches his eyeballs, so will make it, incredibly, to next Friday. The smellysocks socialists, hidebound by their Trades Union block-vote, beer 'n sarnies dinosaur backers, will propose an unedifying four month leadership election, which will give us - wait for it - THE HARMAN INTERREGNUM - which will be, for historians, a thing of rare hilarity and halfwittery.
Harman will have no choice but to call an October election within days of taking control of the nuclear button (god help us) and will therefore serve her 'premiership' in the unlovely position of being the Lame Duck who took over when the last Lame Duck was stoned to death.
Postman Pat Johnson will fight the October election, lose it and then stay on, invoking the Hague gambit, which as we all know means taking his party's unpopularity up the clacker for the next four years or so before the graph turns flat, if not up. His postie-next-door agreeable demeanour will do no more than stem the bleeding just before the Labour Party's last (non-Union) member cancels the Standing Order.
Purnell beats a rejuvenated Harman, Benn, John Hutton, the ghastly Yvette and some crazed far-lefty to win the leadership after Labour's second general election loss. Balls won't make the long list. Purnell flirts with the Liberals in an attempt to win in 2019.
Get your bets on now. I've only had two and a half bottles of Chianti and three malt whisky chasers, and I know what I'm talking about.

UPDATE 1130am: I was very slightly inebriated last night, but my prediction stands, particularly after the latest twist. I very much regret that John Hutton has left defence, but who can blame him. Hutton, fankly, could be a Defence Secretary in a Tory government and I'd be quite happy. Our wretched armed forces will suffer during the hiatus between now and the next election; one thing we know for sure is that the MoD civil servants care more about their own expensive furniture and their typists' RSI sore thumbs than they do about Tommy and Jock in the Afghan dust.


Bill Quango MP said...

I like it.


I think that the numbers coming out in support of McBust are large.
If he keeps his nerve and uses all of his black arts and evil briefings, including his detailed knowledge of certain MP's expenses that haven't made it to the Telegraph, he will survive.

He is probably about to do the equivalent of Hitler appointing Himmler to command the Eastern front, by making Balls Chancellor.
That will cause further splits, but not enough unless the plotters move tomorrow.
The polls look bad. Now is the time for the plotters to strike.
It doesn't appear there are enough Labour rebels to oust Brown.
Watching Sky {BBC having a we love Obama day} it appears that Count Von Purnell has only blown the trousers off the great helmsman. Entertaining, but not exactly fatal.

What will be noticeable in a years time, after the total destruction of Labour, will be the number of Labour MP's saying..

"I was always against McDoom. Always. But he had the power. I took an oath of loyalty. What could I haver done? I was only obeying orders.. I tried to reason with him, from within the cabinet, but he wouldn't listen..I never wanted to sign the Lisbon was all Brown.. I had no idea the public sector debt was that high. I was minister for health. I had no power..6 million illegal immigrants.. I don't know anything about that..My loyalty was to the party, not McMental. Where is my lawyer? What right do you have to put me on trial?"

Scrobs... said...

Confit maybe?

idle said...

"Count Von Purnell has only blown the trousers off the great helmsman".

Nice line, bingo. But if it has the same effect as the lad pointing out that the emperor had no clothes, we'll find it catches on.

True, quite a few loyalists have spoken out, but many have not. Here's the list:

hatfield girl said...

It's hard to move if the Foreign Secretary and the Chancellor won't go willingly. Brown hasn't enough spaces to move senior politicians into without having to sack the Darling and Miliband. He wants Balls, Mandelson, Vadera at Business, and would someone, any one please take the stripped-away powers Home Office, no Jack won't give constitutional reform back. He can't move Harman from Leader of the House unless she chooses - she's the only elected Labour Leader, even if deputy, they've got. So he can't put Miliband where Cook wss dumped after the Foreign Office was needed
Can he just ignore the offices of state and do it all from Downing Street? Nope, he's got to get hold of the Treasury to get the reserve powers back from the Bank of England.

Tuscan Tony said...

The Tuscan bet is on Georgia Gould being elevated from steerage to peerage and taking over, with her father behind the scenes working the strings. Makes about as much sense as any of the others.

idle said...

I'd be happy to support such an idea, Tuscan, were she easy on the eye. But I have googled her, and the poor girl is very plain. And as she has only just made it through puberty, I doubt she knows anything about anything. Her father is a spiv of the worst type.

grumpy grandad said...

Haven't had so much fun for years.

Now, I'll see your deceased duck and raise you a polly gone.

Anonymous said...

Afternoon Idle, Farqs here.

Hope the head is clear now! Thought you might be amused by this link, referring to a letter to the FT from Alan Sugar in 1992, in which he writes as follows:

“I have noted with disgust the comments of a certain Mr Gordon Brown who has accused me of doing well out of the recession….I do not know who Mr Gordon Brown is. Excuse my ignorance, but I don’t. Whoever he is, he has not done is homework properly. The man doesn’t know what he is talking about….Labour offers no route out of recession.”

How wonderfully ironic!

idle said...

Already posted it, farqs, but thanks for tip regardless. I have given you joint credit with the Speccie.

Gotta watch the Coronation Cup now.

Call me Infidel said...

A very fair assessment Idle. However I think the damage done to the Labour party by Brown trying to cling on will be magnified. It is in my view likely that the Lib dems will benefit from this. Added to the mix is Labours lack of a war chest to fight an election. They may not get another chance to wreck the economy again. They may very well wither and die. I live in hope.