Sunday, 24 August 2008

Not a Promising Start.....

The idle take on the London show in Beijing:

Okay, it's a London bus, but not the one we all like, which would have looked like this:

And out of it popped:

Now, don't get me wrong; I rate Jimmy Page highly. Led Zep were THE band of the early seventies. But if Jimmy Page is the musical face of London 2012, gawd help us. The poor old bugger was sweating like a sex tourist in the back alleys of Saigon, playing a riff which, though immediately recognisable, required carbon-dating to find out its exact age to the nearest century.

So, to reduce the average age of the combo to 50, they chucked in Leona Lewis, who I gather is a Simon Cowell wage slave. Could she sing like Robert Plant? Could she fuck. And her legs? In close up, they look a bit like these:

And then we got the tattooed lady himself, a global icon, but surely one whose particular sport and personal wealth make him as good a representative of the Olympic ideal as Lewis Hamilton, or Tiger Woods, for heavens sake!

And all with a troupe of dancers with umbrellas which was not exactly as artistic and memorable as Gene Kelly, more a bunch of spazzo office workers hurrying for the bus home in an August downpour.

They have had three years to come up with something this dreadful which lasted a mere 8 minutes; don't get your hopes up for an hour-long show in 2012.



Scroblene said...

Yes, I thought the girl singing with Robert Plant was a bit bizarre too Iders!

They had to cram every politically correct statement in the book into that eight minutes! I bet everyone on the ODA will be writing loads of reports, employing lots of consultants, spending millions on more jobs in the affected London Boroughs and flooding Stratford with comfortably pensioned anxious young faces...

I liked Boris's statement that the 'Tug of War' was won by City of London Police!

BTW, I wonder if they had room on that bus for an 'Edgebaston' - qv...

Tuscan Tony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tuscan Tony said...

You are a kindly fellow, idle, allowing a disconnected expat a glimpse of the allegedly representative revels put together in our name, though I fear I am no richer in mind or spirit after receiving the information.

A glaring omission (or absence) was noted from the melange, however: The good ship Windrush, a cardboard cutpout of which would have seemed to the Tuscan to be de rigeur in a cretinfest of this sort.

Lilith said...

Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis????!!!

Musical gymnastics then. Did your ears bleed Idle?

Tom C said...

If people want to run races there's a perfectly good recreation ground around the corner. No need for all this expense and frivoloity

idle said...

My ears bled, lil.

The reason they left out the Windrush, Tuscan, was to avoid admitting that without them, our medal tally halves.

Welcome, tom c. Maybe you are right. Whenever one hears an IOC delegate droning on: "it's all about the athletes themselves", I can't help thinking about his month-long stay in 5 Star bliss, every night a different slavic whore. It's a racket.

Scrobs, Boris certainly improved my sense of humour. That ping pong was invented on the dining tables of England, and called wiff-waff - this is crucial info. Ping pong is, indeed, coming home.

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

Dear Mr Idle
The Lady with the generously proportioned legs is the sort of saucey minx that our chum TT would refer to as a "big unit"
I shall now get back to being bombarded with ethnic Carnival music.

The Lakelander said...

Aging rock star + a representative of our inner city ethnic "minorities" + fading sporting icon worth millions = what exactly?

I would say that it's like Tony Blair planned the whole thing from start to finish.

I'm surprised the cringeworthy bastard wasn't up there with Jimmy and Leona, strumming away on his Stratocaster.

Good speech from Boris, though.

idle said...

Play your cards right, beast, and you could be bombarded with/by a pair of ethnic carnival baps.

One love, yeah man. Free love, yeah man.

Try to avoid the Wm Hague look, though.

electro-kevin said...

They got the Londoners throwing their newspapers on the pavement bit right though.

Yes. How did FOOTBALL get the center stage ?

What a travesty.

electro-kevin said...

PS, I was in the City of London Police Tug of War team.

Only I didn't pull in the Olympics but got to pull two young girls out of a giant christmans cracker on Jim'll Fix It. (I gave out a medal on TV)

Scroblene said...

"Aging rock star + a representative of our inner city ethnic "minorities" + fading sporting icon worth millions = what exactly?

Lakes has summed it up well Idlers! I had an argument with Mrs S, (luckily we had just opened another bottle of something or other, so it was a 'friendly'), about why David Beckham was there.

She won on points, because she mentioned that he was an example of an "East End boy done good, an' doin' good in the place 'e wanned to 'elp" (Mrs S doesn't actually talk like that at all, I hasten to add)!

To which I countered that it was only a political stunt, as he had been spotted in Downing Street after seeing Gordon Brown...

I think I'd prefer the thought of anyone but 'Pouter McBroon, the worst PM ever'.