Monday, 15 October 2012

How Dost Thou Irritate Me? Let Me Count the Ways

My correspondent and friend, Phil O'Sopher, tells me that he read somewhere about a chap who has compiled a list of the ways in which David Cameron irks him. He has reached 49, which seems to me to be a fairly modest figure. Phil believes that a blog that is read by sound, literate, witty and amusing folk, (not unlike my own, I modestly assume him to mean) could very easily reach 50 and raise its bat, then go on to a ton and remove its hat to the applause. Who knows, it might even dig in and set about a double century.

I can give you ten for starters:

Lying about his 'cast-iron guarantee' on the Lisbon Treaty
Saying that he's always been 'passionate' about same-sex marriage
Ignoring his backbenchers in the corridors of Parliament
Wearing only white business shirts, only plain ties and (the horror) single-breasted suits with only two buttons on the front
Wearing black oxford shoes with jeans during holiday photo-opportunities
Always holding hands in public
Denying his children the best schooling he could afford them
Giving up fieldsports for his premiership
Supporting expense cheats who are within the Circle of Dave
Sacking those outside the Circle of Dave for minor indiscretions

This is a target-rich environment, surely. Get those reasons going on the Comments. Unlimited entries. Mars Bar to the funniest/truest/cringiest.


Electro-Kevin said...

Not being as hateful as Tony Blair or Gordon Brown.

It's totally killed blogging.

lilith said...


Informing the Americans that "we were the junior partner in 1940".

Suggesting Annunziata Rees-Mogg shorten her name to Nancy rude!

Doing everything that Sir Jeremy Heywood suggests.

Nomad said...

Going into a pointless coalition with the Libdums when he should instead have gone for minority government and challenged the rest to do their damndest. Then, when it all fell apart (and folk realised how useless and treacherous the LDs were) to call a new election and get a proper Conservative government in power (with or without him as Leader).

Nomad said...
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Nomad said...
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Nomad said...

Wow! One click gives me three entries! Apologies Mr idle, dodgy software somewhere.

Scrobs... said...

Apologising after saying that fat nasty bloke, Ed Balls, had Tourettes.

lilith said...

Not knowing what Magna Carta means

idle said...

.... Or knowing what it meant, Lil, but wanting to look like an ornery geezer what wouldn't know latin, like.

Nick Drew said...

Kev is exactly right, it used to be so easy to get up a serious head of steam

anyhow Idle, we are still waiting for you to deliver your bile in AA Milne-ese

idle said...

More work than I thought, Nick. But I now have it on my sparkly new iPad and if I finish the crossword early on the evening train I give it some attention.

Elby the Beserk said...

With Lilith on this. The Conservatives have I suspect buggered up any chance of winning Somerton & Frome the way the treated the lush Ms. Rees-Mogg. Also, having taken 40 years to vote Tory, Cameron and his cohorts made me realise my mistake within 40 weeks (probably less, truth be known). Cameron's a nowhere man, as his public admiration for Blair clearly indicates - Cameron will stand where he needs to stand to look the best.

idle said...

I've thought of another one - sacking all those honest PPSs who voted agaianst Clegg's absolute horlicks of a Lords reform bill.

Nick Drew said...

- listening to whichever dinner guest it was that extracted a personal commitment to the Overseas Aid budget (no doubt with an earnest hand placed upon his knee ...)

- falling for the Brooks woman: a more obvious honey-trap you never did see (I was going to say she should have been beneath him but then I, errrr, pulled out)

lilith said...


Nick Drew said...

what ? what ?

idle said...

Pulled out?

You mean With Drew

idle said...

What I never understood was why Charlie Brooks fell for the scarlet woman.

Then again, those racing types will bed anything with a pulse and I suppose the fact that she was self-feeding, whilst he was on the salary of a weekly column in the Telegraph sports pages, had something going for it.

Bill Quango MP said...

Has to be for that awful budget. We could probably have lived with the rest. But economic incompetence is unforgivable.

And I agree with Kev. Labour filled the airwaves with their noisy nonsense every day. it was much easier to become enraged by their attention seeking 'look at me' idiocy.

Coalition is thankfully a quieter affair. Disappointing for sure. But a more chill out mix of disappointment than the Brit pop over promising of Blair or the overproduced choreographed tractor stats rap video that was Brown.

Anonymous said...

Greeting Idle.....Farqs here
For me it was his initial suggestion that he was going to wear a lounge (ugh!)suit at the Royal wedding.
It just said everything about the complete lack of backbone and confirmed that he would preside over an administration that would do what it thought the people wanted it to do, rather than what it should do.

Hospitable Scots Bachelor said...

Not winning the last election outright by kneeing the EU and all its evil works right in its unelected clackers!

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