Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Gold Envelope Time

The Idle Poetry Competition was held in August. Turnout was impressive, and a few personal bests were recorded. Old blog posts and comments should really just be allowed to die their natural death, but one or two people were quite chuffed with their entries and wanted to know the results. Here they are; remember that the third and fourth line rhymes were camouflaged and you have to guess what they would have been.

The Mermaid and Newmania had a sparring match during which the Merm said of Nick Drew: "Not all of us fagged for Stephen Fry you know". Newmania responded:

The little fags were in a pickle
They wriggled in their sweaty bunk
Drew gave the prefects nuts a polish
Hoping for a splash of cologne

The Mermaid's first attempt set the standard for the rest.

'Twas Monday and it was my luck
To find that I was late for work
I really couldn't give a cake
Because my boss is quite a pill.

But sorrow soon became my lot
When on my desk I spied a host
Of papers, so I lost the will
Completely, and gave up the drugs.

But the GOLD goes to Nick Drew, for this masterly poem of Gay Gordo, just in time for conference season:

At party conference in September
Gordon Brown his fate confronts
He must contain his throbbing brain
As he recalls some famous predecessors

He thinks of Blair who wooed the bankers
Of Kinnock and his way with words
Of Foot and Benn and such great men
From whom poured forth such steaming prose

The party faithful sing of succour
For members of the working class
The song was writ by some bright wit
Who knew not elbow from his thigh

But haunting Brown’s the thought of loss
A snap election might fortell
Let him lose sleep, the brooding creep
And may he after rest in Kircaldy


Trubes said...

"Congrats" to Nick, Mermaid and Newmania, upon receiving Idle`s most revered award !
Now then, Idle, when you have the time to stop "Idling" will you please judge the Smutty Limericks, as I think I may be in with a chance ! Apart from Electro, Mermaid and your good self etc,etc.

idle said...

I'll get around to it, Trube. Can't have the same winners again, can we?

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Aw you are so kind young idle! Thank you. Your poetry posts were genius. We should like to collect our medals from you, as long as you wear your colours and sport your regimental cane like David Niven!

idle said...

I may wear a raffish silk polka dot scarf to top it off, like Niven as Scotty in that fine film The Dawn Patrol.

And borrow a few extra labradors for the event.

Do you want photographers present? If so, choose from the following: Literary Review; Oxford Anthology of Poetry; Hello; Country Life; Racing Post.

I do a bit of work for the Chichester Observer (really), so that's a DEFINITE if we want it.

Nick Drew said...

Idle, I shall polish up the Sam Browne, slam down my heels and wear this with pride, alongside my Rheindahlen Marches medallion

Nothing short of a commemorative photo in the Literary Review will do (provided Mr Mania can steady up and wipe the tears from his cheeks)

Let us hope party conference season gives rise to some more occasions for mockery

Nick Drew said...

PS I remember Thorney Island with fondness - give it a wave from me when next you drive past

idle said...

My horseracing column for the Chichester Observer rarely takes me to Thorney Island, Nick. I think they specialise in donkeys. But I shall remember you to it if Mrs Idle talks me into going to that godforsaken city of Pompey again.

Mike Armitage said...

Dear Mr Idle,

We were unaware that you were a competition organiser and a judge, as could have used your services at our fete two weeks ago!

The Committee have asked me to congratulate you on your exemplary fairness and literary appreciation, and are delighted that the ladies got a fair showing in the prizes.

Please watch out for Mr Drew though, as he used to sing in the Daily Mail Close Harmony Quartet in a certain village not that many miles from Chichester! He knows much more that he is letting on...

Kindest regards,

Doris W.B.

idle said...

Dear Mrs Webley-Bullock,

I am grateful for your kind comments and those of your committee.

It has become apparent that this blog inspires little interest or comment for the majority of its posts. However, the poetry competitions have proved popular and I therefore propose, as I am shortly to take up a new post and become less idle, to run this blog as a weekly competition.

A post will follow.

Yours sincerely,

Idle of that Ilk

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

Idle - how about Heat magazine? I'm a classy mermaid.

idle said...

Are you sure about heat, mermaid? Surely a bed of ice and some cunningly arranged kelp, perhaps the odd lemon.

Nick Drew said...

inspires little interest or comment

don't be too hard on your blog, Mr Idle, we like explosions too

Nick Drew said...

yes, Doris, it was Fuller who lured me westwards to what was nearly my doom, with promises of airtime for my doggerel

come to think of it, perhaps we're not so keen on explosions after all ...

Anonymous said...

"It has become apparent that this blog inspires little interest or comment for the majority of its posts."

Not at all - In fact there are more people who read your blog than you think only we dont all have blogs and I've only just realised we can post stuff on here! SO Expect some more aggro

idle said...

Thanks, prettyass.

Yes, all are welcome here, aggro or not. You don't have to be a reg'd blogger.