Wednesday 8 August 2007

Poetry Competition


The poem below is the best example of the style of poetry where the third and fourth lines finish with words that do not respect the rhyme scheme of the first two of each verse, and you have to guess the 'real' word that would have rhymed. This "As I was Walking by St Paul's..." style was much practised by schoolboys at my prep school, often with the approval of the English teacher. This was first published in the New Statesman, of all places, in its weekly poetry comp many years ago. Basil Ransome now calls himself Basil Ransome-Davies and wins prizes in the Speccie comps at least once a month, it seems.

Idle is now departing for his low-carbon-footprint, high-cordite-footprint holiday in the highlands. I hope one or two visitors (more!) might try their hand at one of these poems in my absence. The best effort, if worthy, wins a prize.

I dreamed I dwelt in marble halls
Of ample airs and sumptuous tinge,
While odalisques caressed my cheeks,
Each with a moist and willing palm

I dreamed I sauntered on the front
At Cannes, where I had moored my yacht.
The movie stars! The lavish cars!
The fine display of Gallic charm!

I dreamed I discoed at the Ritz -
The evening warm, the music cool -
And gorgeous girls who tossed their curls
Admired my sleek and well-hung clothes.

But then I woke, and cursed my luck;
My heart relapsed, my spirits sank.
No yacht in France, no girls, no dance -
No option but to have a doze.

Basil Ransome

42 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Wow! This is a bit high-brow.

    'Twas Monday and it was my luck
    To find that I was late for work
    I really couldn't give a cake
    Because my boss is quite a pill.

    But sorrow soon became my lot
    When on my desk I spied a host
    Of papers, so I lost the will
    Completely, and gave up the drugs.

    I'm letting myself out...

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  3. Gosh what a good start from the piscean poetess. The bar is already quite high, lads, but I am sure you can accomplish rhyme and scansion and give the mermaid a tussle for the prize.

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  4. All this talk of moist palms and "well-hung" makes me think you need to get some fresh Sussex air into you, and fast.

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  5. What's the prize? I've decided that I have won.

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  6. Not so fast, young Mermaid

    I've come to defend the honour of the Drew, & I'll tussle all-comers to the last rhyme & scansion. (Mr Idle & I go back - remember the song of Auld Gordon Brown ?)

    * * * * * * * * *

    At party conference in September
    Gordon Brown his fate confronts
    He must contain his throbbing brain
    As he recalls some famous predecessors

    He thinks of Blair who wooed the bankers
    Of Kinnock and his way with words
    Of Foot and Benn and such great men
    From whom poured forth such steaming prose

    The party faithful sing of succour
    For members of the working class
    The song was writ by some bright wit
    Who knew not elbow from his thigh

    But haunting Brown’s the thought of loss
    A snap election might fortell
    Let him lose sleep, the brooding creep
    And may he after rest in Kircaldy

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  7. Nick Drew - I must throw in the towel:
    The prize is thine for keepers.
    It's been fair play, no cries of doubt;
    You win, and losers can fuck right off and die.

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  8. Nick Drew is our very own Tom Lehrer...

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  9. ladies you are too kind. I have been somewhat busy of late but intend to take the autumn off and normal bloggerel services shall be resumed

    now throw in that towel over here, Mermaid

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  10. the towel's a bit wet Nick, but you can have it if you really want.

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  11. Hmmmmnot sure I`ve quite got the hang of this



    I was aghast at Tony Lit
    Whose flashing grin so many heart ,stole
    He preened and pranced about, the while
    But gave a cheque to Tony, ah well...


    Now can we avoid election loss or
    Are we doomed ? Brown`s far in front
    I wonder now ,is Dave`s a leader
    For the job ? He`s such a Liberal


    Oh Christ the thought of Brown`s so heinous
    He found himself a PR harlot and ;
    Finally unsheathed his plans
    Revealing that he was an honest man


    So rally round , be of good heart
    Don`t fall into the cynics` trap
    Fly in high winds like a kite
    We`re going to win , ( I`m talking er,,,.. truth)



    Needs work ...

    coat ?

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  12. True Love


    Oh Mermaid ,beauty cannot last
    Why hoard your sweetness , give but a kiss
    And soon I `ll pierce you in the heart
    And plunge so mightily you sigh

    But take my arm, let me be heard
    I`ll pour such sorrow , you`ll not mock
    But on my face you’ll lay a caress
    And in your mouth allow my praise.


    .....mmmmmm nope

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  13. Newmania, thy charms do not belie
    Thy beating heart and smiling front; But thou hast failed to catch my drift:
    Thy wife must think thou art a flirt

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  14. My compass of my heart must stick
    Whilst Pointing in the true direction
    It is my sleek and bulbous wife
    Now what can I do with this last line ?


    Dur hur

    ( Not really)

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  16. Ah! Newman, we had thought you placid,
    But you are bold on this endeavour!
    Beware! For you could find it's sleeping
    A state that often lasts a while.

    The last jab, I admit, was weak
    But then I have more time to bloom
    For I am still years off my prime:
    So tell me, should we get a cat?

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  17. If I have understood the rule
    (Alas - cold water from this bucket)
    The thirdmost line must show its rhyme
    Or else, disqualified! (oh ... never mind)

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  18. Newmania! Don't try so hard,
    To woo the Maid of the deep!
    You'll only tire, & raise her ire,
    And make her flesh tingle.

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  19. hey hey, competition's hotting up

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  20. nick drew, you've already won. Leave us to our rude and illiterate rhyming. Not all of us fagged for Stephen Fry you know.

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  21. COme on, idle, stop fiddling with your bag and get a fresh post up -I'm bored!

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  22. Not all of us fagged for Stephen Fry you know.

    *Tears of mirth*

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  23. The little fags were in a pickle
    They wriggled in their sweaty bunk
    Drew gave the prefects nuts a polish
    Hoping or a splash of cologne

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  24. Idle: I too, am bored with this poetry stuff now; I think Mermaid wins "Fins Down", with Nick D. close runner up. How about a Smutty Limericks Competition ?

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  25. newmania - I return the favour - many, many tears of mirth for that four-liner.

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  26. Honourable thrid for me then ...yeeeha !

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  27. Mermaid ! yes, you – and Mania Minor !
    Sniggering at the back of class
    Minds full of ‘mock’, ‘bunk’, ‘stick’, etc
    Such Idle nonsense ! Wipe that smile !

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  28. I have run out of cartridges and fishing flies and have little to show for my endeavours, except a slimmer waist and a face burnished by the Highland sun. Drive south tomorrow.

    First impressions are that this competition has done rather better than I imagined it would, with a couple of stellar entries, though I am disappointed that a really vulgar effort from the Hitch has been unforthcoming. The Tuscan's classic iambic is also missed.

    Results, tea and medals in a couple of days.

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  29. The pressure is on, I will not be beaten by The Hitch. Fun and games at IKEA Florence ce matin, will knuckle down to the task this p.m.

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  30. Are the medals chocolate? If so, I would like to have a big 'un. If not, I'll take tea, milk, no sugar. Luvverly.

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  33. Monday I prowled the walls of Lucca
    In search of damsel easy, with blond thatch
    My cunning plan to dine and wine her
    Then in my pool, to rub her back.

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