Monday, 30 April 2012

Go Boris

A while ago, I berated Boris for his ridiculous and bogus remark that capping housing benefits at £400 a week would result in a form of 'Kosovo-style social cleansing' in central London. I said that this was no way to go about becoming the next Conservative Party leader.

I stand by my argument - it is morally offensive to see large families, of whatever ethnicity and however recently they have arrived in  Britain, being housed by the taxpayer in four or five bedroomed houses in expensive central London postcodes at £2000 per week. It is a symptom of deeply confused political management of a country that it allows this sort of racket.

However, I was mistaken to impugn Boris's Tory credentials as strongly as I did. He could be forgiven for campaigning as a panty-waist Coalition liberal, trying to avoid scaring the horses and generally distancing himself from anything that sounded too Conservative. Instead, he has been frank and open about his core campaign messages: "Freedom, democracy, taxpayer value and building up the sense of neighbourliness and duty towards each other". He calls himself a "tax-cutting Conservative".

Good on you, Boris. You deserve re-election and to remain the only Conservative in high public office who has got there with a majority (and from a tough, Labour-leaning city). Thank heavens a high-profile Tory is prepared to re-state the credo. The Cameron set needs to be reminded of it. They have certainly forgotten the Great Thomas jefferson maxim:

"The natural progression of things is for liberty to yield and governments to gain ground".

Jefferson is popular on this blog, and for a reason. He knew that most politicians suffer from an entirely justifiable sense of vulnerability, not least from the voters. Their inclination, therefore, is to increase their powers and feather their nests. Had he lived in these times, he would have enjoyed the irony that governments delve ever deeper into our lives and almost always tell us that it is in order to increase our security and protect our liberty. Yeah, right.

UPDATE: fuckingbollocksgate Yeah, Boris! Stick it to the Beeb! Way to go! Watch his lead increase.

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Saturday, 21 April 2012

G'day, Art Lovers

I heard this joke a long time ago, but it is doing the rounds again. For those who haven't heard it, it's a ripper. It's no hardship to hear it again if you already know it. The Aussie DJ tells it particularly well.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Who You Gonna Call?

I have the highest regard for the fire brigade. They are brave and splendid. Those chaps in New York who rushed up the Twin Towers are beyond superlatives for their selflessness.

However. Take a modern British fireman away from a fire and ask him to, oh I don't know - get his ankles wet saving a seagull from distress, and he's as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

Why did FIVE crews answer the emergency call and descend on Carshalton Ponds? One gets the impression they were ready, willing and able to throw caution to the wind, risk a nasty cold by allowing some pond water to slosh over the top of their wellies, maybe even take a painful peck on the wrist from Jonathan Livingstone Seagull whilst wrestling with his foot and the Tesco bag.

Well, we know the rest. The dangers were too great. LIFE THREATENING, they were.

We must blame Elf 'n Sayftee rather than the Fire Brigade, must we not? Well, not so fast..... I can't quite believe that the Fire Brigade has allowed itself to look like a bunch of bolshy pansies because of H&S measures beyond it's control. I believe that the FB Union has been involved in the creation of all of these risk-averse policies. In short, they need to man up, and soon. Otherwise, they will become a laughing stock.

Above all, I just wish they'd be honest. Who took the call regarding the seagull? Why scramble five crews for so petty a matter? Why not just tell the bleating individual who made the call that it wasn't a matter for the Fire Brigade, particularly one as allergic to water as ours.

Friday, 6 April 2012

Self Esteem and Nemesis

Sorry, idle readers. Filling the expense form for the Riviera trip took a whole month.

I have been meaning to blog about the ridiculous woman who wrote in the Mail that she had no female friends because she was so attractive to men, yadda yadda. We searched the article in vain for some note of irony or april-fool leg-pull, but there were no signs. Truly, she rated herself 10/10 and was pretty smug about it. One suspected that, on balance, she was content to have no sheila mates because of her drop dead gorgeousness.

Trouble was, and you probably guessed this, she was a dog. Not a minger, perhaps, nor even a munter, but no great shakes. One would need beer goggles, I think. The comments on the Mail website ran to thousands and were not, it must be said, kind. She became, by stages, less of a looker than Clare Short, than Cherie Blair, than Angela Dworkin. It was cruel stuff.

So why did she invite this shitstorm, one wonders? I was pondering just that question when I read this:

This tosser, I allow, has not suggested that he is Errol Flynn, or George Clooney. But he doesn't half fancy himself! Utterly brilliant, he is. No short run of luck in the FX markets for him - this is just the start of something BIG. We "can't help but respect and admire" him, his independent and objective website says. Alex Hope may only be 23 but, by crikey, we're all going to hear about him! There's Hope for the UK economy, one might pun.

How did we get to this? What makes these people of boundless self-confidence turn into monstrous egotistical numpties and invite scorn and derision upon themselves?

Is it:
A. Britain's Got Talent
B. The X Factor
C. The Voice
D. All of the above